THE GOSPEL-CENTERED HOME: Teens; Who Are These Guys Part 3

Posted by Pastor George

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Trying to figure out a teenager is not really as hard as it seems. As previously posted, they are just like you the parent. Their lack of experience and many times focused teaching makes them susceptible to making foolish decisions. The last 2 items of who are these teens are perhaps the ones that bring the largest amount of fear and frustration to their parents.

8. Teens are susceptible to sexual temptation. Here the strength of youth, changes in life, the freedoms they experience and the lack of an accurate view outside the home and church all contribute to the potential problem. As a teenager physically awakens, fantasy and lust are common private sins and to help a teen, they must be open for discussion. Are you comfortable with this topic with your teen? Do they really have a biblical view of sex? Do you know where they struggle in this area? Can they critique the world's view? Do they have a heart for sexual purity? Are they modest?

9. The final point to discuss is that teens tend to be focused on the present. What is not in their scope of view is to delay anything, especially gratification. Right now is the most important moment of life. Galatians 6:7, "God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows." is not so much in the scope of their day to day thinking. The physical moment tends to be what matters and temporal happiness is the priority. Some of this comes from the saturation of entertainment in our lives where the meaning of things is found in how good it makes me feel. As a result, things like church are boring regardless of how nourishing it is for them.

All of these things that describe a teen does not mean every teenager nor every item. They only are representative of the culture today. For us as parents and workers of teens, it gives us a place to understand and enter their world so we can help shape it to God-centered meaning. More to come....

THE GOSPEL-CENTERED HOME: Teens; Who Are These Guys Part 2

Posted by Pastor George

Monday, June 15, 2009

5. Teens typically think they are wiser than they really are or in other words, they have a very distorted view of themselves. But, of course, so do I most of the time of myself. Oh, the deceptiveness of sin! (Hebrews 3:13) However with many teens, they tend to lack a real hunger for wisdom and look at what we older adults have as very little practical insight to give to them. I can’t count the number of times in working with teens I was told I just don’t understand. What we as parents and youth workers must do is make wisdom much more appealing to our teens. By using demanding words and tone of voice, confrontations and verbal struggles we easily shift the problems we want to address to ourselves. The teen tends to become defensive and not interested in listening.

6. Believe it or not, teens tend to be more legalistic than their parents. Pushing the limits on rules, they want to know and will test just how far they can go. They become quite the literalists. Ever hear, “I did exactly what you told me to do” to your frustration that they knew what you were intending in a situation? This is a heart issue that needs to be addressed in both their hearts and ours. Legalism as a parent is a form of self-righteousness that denies the saving grace of God and the need that our teens need to be regenerated by the Holy Spirit and their actions need to flow from their being born again.

7. Our teens tend to choose some of their friends without using wisdom. It is impossible to not be influenced by friends. We need to help guide teens in how to choose relationships and how we can step outside the emotional pulls to honest and biblical criteria.

Two more items to come …

THE GOSPEL-CENTERED HOME: Back to the Teens; Who are These Guys?

Posted by Pastor George

Monday, June 8, 2009

The term teenager has not been around long in our language. You do not find it in the Bible nor in most literature until the middle of the 20th century. One of the reasons is that in most cultures, including the western culture, a young teenager was considered a young adult. Using the term teenager or adolescent becomes almost an excuse for not acting like a young adult. So who are these beings in many of our homes?

1. They are sinners like you. Romans 3:9-23 gives a description of the teen and their parents. As a parent, you need to see your teen accurately so that you are not surprised by them. They will do some things that will affirm these verses. As sinners, it means there is hope for them as Christ came to save sinners.

2. They are a young adult. The Bible does not recognize teenagers but calls those who are traditionally at puberty up to 30 a young adult. Jewish tradition puts it at 13 years old with the Bar (Bas for women) Mitzvah. Your teen needs to be treated as such and leave many of the childish things behind. The biggest challenge of being an adult is making decisions. They have the capability to begin making important choices and living with the consequences of them. Using good wisdom as a parent for sometimes to let them fail is the best thing for them.

3. Your teen is self-centered and that will get in the way of accomplishing #2 above. Oh yeah, so are we self-centered and how often that gets in the way of our parenting! For both the teen and the parent, godly virtue is appreciated but our biggest problem in practicing it will be ourselves.

4. Your teen is a "meaning-maker." Paul Tripp in his books on parenting speaks of how we are all interpreters, thinkers, organizers and responders to life and it is not so much based upon the facts of what we see and hear, but moreso on how we interpret the facts. Read back through Genesis 2:16-17 and 3:1-6 and see how the facts were received and interpreted. You will see your teen (and yourself) in the narrative.

I have several more that I will post in the next day or two, but what does this mean? To better understand your teen is to see how you can better help and reach them. I hopefully am beginning to show you that your teen is not that much different than you. The biggest difference is the wisdom of experience. More to come.....

CLAYTON'S STORY: Listen with your Teen

Posted by Pastor George

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I am not trying to look for these stories but here is another testimony that is powerful by a teenage boy who is faced something very similiar to Rachel's story below. Another great opportunity to sit down with your teenager and take the 6 plus minutes to listen to Clayton's story and then have a talk .... after you recover.

THE GOSPEL-CENTERED HOME FREES YOU

Posted by Pastor George

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Amazon books lists 110,134 books on parenting. The information available is overwhelming, paralyzing and leads many Christian parents to not believe that the Scriptures are sufficient to guide in raising children. When we do use the Scriptures, the problem is that we seek the Word of God primarily how to guide our child’s behavior. In doing so, many of the books such as Proverbs become primarily a moral instructional guide or the life of Jesus is seen as a moral example of how to live. Though these are certainly true, they are not the purpose of the Scriptures.

Rather than focus primarily on how we are to live, the Scriptures first are to expose our depravity as both children and parents and our desperate need for a Savior who suffered on a cross and saves us from the wrath of God.

Obedience and ethics certainly are important and addressed in the Scriptures, but they must be taught from the point of view that they are related to and proceed from the cross and the redemptive work of Christ. So, as you discipline your children (we will eventually get to this), it becomes a means to declare the gospel.

What’s so freeing about this? It simplifies your parenting to gospel-centered purposes. You see that you stand as a parent on behalf of God to your child and the goal of parenting is to pursue the glory of God in your child’s life.

How to start? Think and speak to your child on who they are in Christ or who they can be in Christ. Then focus on what they can do because of Christ rather than the things it seems they can’t do. Set them free through the forgiveness and redemption we have in Christ and allow their actions to flow from that rather than law.

THE GOSPEL-CENTERED HOME: WHERE IT STARTS

Posted by Pastor George

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The gospel-centered home starts with a model – you! 2 Timothy 3: 14 – 15 states, “You, however, continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of, knowing from whom you have learned them; and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.” 2 Timothy 1:5 tells us that Timothy leaned it from his grandmother Lois and his mother, Eunice.

You as a parent have an undeniable influence and effect upon your children by the example you set. In the teaching of children, they always learn far more by starting with a visual example before you begin instructing. You should be explaining things to your children after they have observed the example.

John Piper wrote, “It is impossible not to teach children about God, because not to teach them is to teach them plenty. It teaches them that Jesus does not matter much, that mom and dad don’t consider him nearly as important or exciting as new furniture, or weekends at the lake, or dad’s job or all the other things that fill their conversation. Silence about Christ is dogma. Not to teach the infinite value of Christ is to teach that He is negligible.” (Will the Next Generation Know by John Piper, July 25, 1982, DesiringGod.org)

How do you begin to model the gospel? It starts with recognizing what the power of God can do in the life of a family. It can transform the family. Romans 8 teaches us that society, creation and we will be transformed one day. Everything will. Does your family life show that this is a reality? Do you show a love for Christ? Does the Word of God matter in your home? Are you as a parent growing in character? Do you demonstrate to your children a conviction over your own sin? Do you confess your sin publically so your children know? Are you cultivating godliness in your character? Are the evidences of the fruit of the Spirit in your life shown with consistency?

Can you say to your teen that you want them to continue in the things they are learning and becoming convinced of in the home? If not, begin now and make sure they will soon.

THE GOSPEL-CENTERED HOME: UNPACKING EARTH DAY

Posted by Pastor George

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

On the way to an early morning appointment at the breaking of daylight, I noticed that Spring has brought a sudden and stunning change to the landscape. Flowering trees illuminate, flowers are breaking open, and the brown ground is turning bright green. You cannot escape it.

What almost spoiled it for me was when I turned on the radio about five minutes from my destination, I heard it was Earth Day and the commentator spoke in terms of how the earth needed to be worshiped (he did not use that term but certainly described the elements of worship).

How can we teach gospel-centered truth about the creation to our children and preach it to ourselves?

First of all, the creation is not an end in itself. It is only a signpost that points to something far greater, far more beautiful, far, far, more joyful. The beauty of creation is to what it points to – the Creator.

When we stop and call the creation the extent of our pleasure, we risk moving to worshiping the creation. C.S. Lewis wrote in his book, “Surprised by Joy,” about finding great pleasure in a rose – the variegated color, scent, and overall beauty. But the rose says, “It is not I. I am only a reminder. Look! Look! What do I remind you of?’ Augustine wrote this about creation, “We are not thy god, seek above us…He made us.”

Scripture warns us that those who exchange the glory of the incorruptible God for an image that is formed in nature are fools. (Romans 1: 21-23)

Secondly, as beautiful as creation is, Romans 8: 18-22 reminds us that the creation is groaning and suffering until it is released. Sin and the curse persist in our lives and like creation, we wait for the time when “there shall no longer be any death, there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain.” (Revelation 21:4) The resurrection of Jesus Christ is God’s signpost to the believer that a day is coming for creation and for us to be redeemed from the curse of sin and death.

Lastly, the creation expresses the joy and goodness of God that we have now because of the gospel – that Jesus Christ has paid the penalty for our sin, had satisfied the wrath of God, and has conquered sin and death to point creation and ourselves to a future resurrection for all who believe (a new heaven and new earth for creation and a new resurrected body for us). We have joy in and through Jesus Christ and the creation has a joy also as a signpost for to point us to God…”Let the heavens be glad and let the earth rejoice; let the sea roar and all it contains. Let the field exult and that that is in it. Then all the trees of the forest will sing for joy before the Lord, for His coming. For He is coming to judge the earth.” (Psalm 96: 11-13)

I stand with those who want to protect and steward the creation for its beauty, but I know what the beauty stands for. Teach it to your children and preach it to yourself.

THE GOSPEL CENTERED HOME: QUALIFYING FOR EARTH BUT NOT FOR HEAVEN, Part 2

Posted by Pastor George

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Charles Spurgeon once wrote this about his mother:

I cannot tell how much I owe to the solemn words of my good mother. It was the custom on Sunday evenings, while we were yet little children, for her to stay home with us, and then we sat round the table, and read verse by verse, and she explained the Scriptures for us. After that was done, then came the time of pleading: there was a little piece of Alleine's Alarm or of Baxter's Call to the Unconverted, and this was read with pointed observations made to each of us as we sat around the table; and the question was asked, how long it would be before we would think about our state, how long before we would seek the Lord.

Then came a mother's prayer, and some of the words of that prayer we shall never forget, even when our hair is gray. I remember on one occasion, her praying thus, "Now Lord, if my children go on in their sins, it will not be from ignorance that they perish, and my soul must bear swift witness against them at the day of judgment if they lay not hold of Christ." That thought of a mother's bearing swift witness against me, pierced my conscience, and stirred my heart."
.....Spurgeon, Autobiography, The Early Years, Banner of Truth Trust

"My mother said to me once, after she had long prayed for me and had come to the conviction that I was hopeless. "Ah" said she, "My son, if at the last great day you are condemned, remember your mother will say 'Amen' to your condemnation." That stung me to the quick. Must the mother that brought me forth and that loved me say 'Amen' to my being condemned at last?' ........ Spurgeon, "The Chaff Driven Away." Sermon October 23, 1859

How are your family devotions going? Is the gospel being proclaimed?

The Gospel-Centered Home: Qualifying for Earth but Not for Heaven

Posted by Pastor George

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

A home may be of Christian parents, but it does not mean it is a gospel-centered home. When we are governing our homes by parenting with behavior modification techniques and throwing in Scripture, we can produce “perfect” children who may end up breaking our hearts. Consider the rich young ruler of Matthew 19: 16-20. And behold, a man came up to him, saying, “Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life?” And he said to him, “Why do you ask me about what is good? There is only one who is good. If you would enter life, keep the commandments.” He said to him, “Which ones?” And Jesus said, “You shall not murder, You shall not commit adultery, You shall not steal, You shall not bear false witness, Honor your father and mother, and, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” The young man said to him, “All these I have kept. What do I still lack?” Wow! Who would not want that resume’ for their teenager? He even asked a very spiritual question! However, the narrative does not end there. In verses 21 and 22 we read, Jesus said to him, “If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” When the young man heard this he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions. The perfect teen breaks your heart. A young man so close, yet so far away!

John Angell James, a British Pastor in the early 1800s wrote in his book, The Christian Father’s Present to His Children, “But how it would embitter our last moments, and plant our dying pillow with thorns, to leave you on earth in an unconverted state; following us to the grave, but not to heaven. Or should you be called to die before us, how could we sustain the dreadful thought…that the very next moment after you had passed beyond our kind attentions, you would be received to the torments which know neither end nor mitigation? And when you had departed under such circumstances, what could heal our wounds or dry our tears…O! no: they may qualify for earth but not qualify for heaven.”

(More to come on the gospel-centered home and how to be reaching to the heart with the gospel of Jesus Christ)

MOMS OF TEENAGERS PART 2

Posted by Pastor George

Thursday, April 9, 2009

In an earlier post I presented an article by Carolyn Mahaney from the website Girltalk. There are several more articles and a must read for moms (dads would be served as well reading them). Please check them out at http://girltalk.blogs.com/girltalk/

RESCUE: The Non-Christian Christian Home

Posted by Pastor George

Monday, April 6, 2009

I find Luke 6: 27-36 haunting at times..“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. “If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.”

Jesus distinguishes between the one who has been touched by the mercy of God and those who have not. I am haunted because I often act like the one who has not been and in doing so, I am no different in my actions than the unbeliever. In fact, they can look more “Christian” than I can.

And so it is with parenting. Why is it that those without Christ as the center of their home can parent so well and we who have Christ do so poorly? There is an ingredient available to the Christian that can be distinguished from all other homes. It is the gospel. There is a difference in a gospel centered home and the unbeliever’s home. There is even a difference in a gospel centered home and many Christian homes.

How is the difference distinguished? The gospel centered home will be focused on how the gospel informs every aspect of our living and not on behavior modification. Some ways to know a home is ruled by the gospel:
1. Everyone will know that Jesus is our redemption and has set us free from the slavery of sin. Discipline will be Christ-centered with the focus rejoicing in Christ, our Redeemer.
2. All will understand that Jesus is victorious over sin, Satan, and death. It is a home where the strength to deal with tough issues will be nourished by the finished work of Christ.
3. Knowing that we are all justified in Christ where our sin has been taken away and the righteousness of Christ given to us so that we will not be weighed down by the guilt of sin but will deal with it confidently in Christ.
4. The family will know that Jesus has cleansed us from all our sins that we have committed and all that have been committed against us. The obstacles of broken relationships have been removed so that forgiveness and reconciliation are possible.

More to come….

RESCUE: A STARTING POINT

Posted by Pastor George

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Being the parent of a teenager ought to be the easiest and most delightful time of parenting. For many parents, it is just the opposite. A famous leader of a national family ministry once commented that we should put our children in a barrel when they are 13 and then let them out when they are 18. Hardly the words of encouragement for parenting!

This series of posts will be recapturing and expanding on many of the items brought to the parents and grandparents who went through the parenting teens class at church last month. I will try to post 2-3 times a week and invite your participation through comments or direct email to me.

The goal of the class was not to provide answers for all the things a parent faces but to help change the paradigm of your home to one where the Gospel of Jesus Christ is the centerpiece of your parenting. You and your teen do not need a behavior modification program which will contribute to the pocket of some therapist. What is needed is the transformation of hearts that are oriented to God though Christ. It is knowing that whatever the issues are that you face, God has provided a means of redemption through Jesus Christ.

The place to start in renewing your parenting is to renew your commitment and love for the gospel. At the top of this blog page is a logo for “Two Ways to Live.” Click it and review the message of the gospel. Do it everyday for awhile and let the message of the gospel sink deep into your heart so you see the workings of Christ in all aspects of your life. Then be ready to move forward as a parent with a new confidence that God will do a mighty work in you so you can be His instrument to bring it about in your teen.

Moms of Teenagers

Posted by Pastor George

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

The following is taken from the site GirlTalk. If you are a mom and do not have this site on your "to read online" list, put it on now at http://girltalk.blogs.com/girltalk/. Carolyn Mahaney writes:

Moms of teenagers—you’re up next. Building on our series from last week, what’s the first great deal for you? First and foremost: have faith.

As women, we are all vulnerable to fear, worry, and anxiety; and few areas tempt us more than mothering teenagers! But faith must dictate our mothering, not fear. Faith, as it says in Hebrews, is the "assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen" (Heb. 11:1).
Faith toward God is the foundation of effective mothering.

Success as a mother doesn’t begin with hard work or sound principles or consistent discipline (as necessary as these are). It begins with God: His character, His faithfulness, His promises, His sovereignty. And as our understanding of these truths increases, so will our faith for mothering.

The Bible says that without faith it is impossible to please God (Heb 11:6). Fear is sin. And as my husband has often graciously reminded me—God is not sympathetic to my unbelief. Why? Because fear, worry, and unbelief say to God that we don’t really believe He is “merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness” (Ps. 86:15). We are calling God a liar.

Even in the most trying situations with our teenagers, we have much more incentive to trust than to fear, much more cause for peace and joy than despair. That’s because, as Christians, we have the hope of the gospel.

The gospel should provide us with tremendous heart-strengthening, soul-encouraging hope: Jesus Christ is “mighty to save” (Isa. 63:1). This should kindle zeal to share the truth of the gospel with our teenagers.

The gospel is the good news of a saving God who is “a very present help in trouble” (Ps. 46:1). So repent from worry and put your trust in the glorious gospel.

My husband has a Charles Spurgeon quotation as his screen-saver, which we would do well to have running across the screen of our minds: “As for His failing you, never dream of it—hate the thought. The God who has been sufficient until now, should be trusted to the end.”

So let our mothering forecast be one of victory and not defeat. We have the hope of the gospel in our souls.

RESCUE: PARENTING TEENS

Posted by Pastor George

We ended our 5 week class on parenting teens and it felt like I kind of left the class hanging. To help tie some of the teaching up, I will devote some writing time on this blog to a few of the issues addressed along with additional information not presented in the class. The audio for the first 3 lessons are below in one of the entries and the audio for class 5 will be posted later this week. Sorry that I missed lesson 4... I forgot to put the mic on ... :) I will post extra notes on those issues. HANG IN THERE!

MY TOP RESOURCES FOR PARENTING TEENS

Posted by Pastor George

Saturday, March 28, 2009

In putting together the class for parenting teens, I read several books the last two months that shaped some of the lessons. The following are ones that I would highly recommend to parents of teens:

First of all, you and your teen need a Bible. Invest in a Bible with good binding (as opposed to a paperback edition) along with a good translation such as New American Standard or English Standard Version.

The next resource I recommend is a good commentary on Proverbs. I taught Proverbs for many years at the Christian school and used Derek Kidner's book on Proverbs.

The best book about parenting teens that I have read is Paul David Tripp's book "Age of Opportunity." It brings hope for the parent in dealing with the issues through the gospel. It challenges you as a parent that change and growth begins with you.

The next resource I would recommend is for the parent of a teen who seems to be angry and rebelling. Rick Horne offers a new book "Get Outta My Face." Rick provides some great resources in how to communicate with an angry teen and redirect their self-centered desires to God-centered ones.

The final resource that I would recommend is actually a book for both you and your teen to read, "Do Hard Things." It is written by two teenage boys who challenge and demonstrate that teens do not have to live in a world of low expectations. I found the book personally convicting and it has made a big impact upon many teens across the country. Read and discuss the book with your teen.

SHORT COURSE FOR PARENTS OF TEENS

Posted by Pastor George

Saturday, February 14, 2009

RESCUE
A COURSE FOR PARENTING TEENS

For the past 5 weeks, I have attempted to give parents of teens a taste of what it means to have a gospel-centered view of parenting. Over the next few weeks, I will attempt to give a review of what was covered along with some additional comments. For those interested, 4 of the 5 classes were recorded and you can download sessions 1, 2 and 3 below.

Audio Files
Download Lesson 1
Download Lesson 2
Download Lesson 3