QUESTION OF THE WEEK:
Question: What is the invisible church?
Answer: The invisible church is the whole number of the elect that have been, are, or shall be gathered into one under Christ the head.
Scripture: Eph 1:10; 1:22, 23; John 10:16; 11:52
DEB AND HER GIFT OF ENCOURAGEMENT
(Maybe this really happened)
Last week I was having a particularly tough day and decided when I got home to stretch out on the couch and do what I thought to be some well-deserved complaining and self-pity.
I moaned to Deb, “I don’t think any likes me… in fact I think the whole world hates me!”
Deb, who was dusting the living room at the time, just looked at me in a matter of fact way and passed on this encouragement: “That’s not true, dear. There are a lot of people who don’t even know you.”
YOUR CHILD WAS PARENTED BY ADAM, SO YOU NEED TO RE-PARENT THEM
By Rick Thomas, Counseling Solutions
Let’s pretend you’re walking through a car salvage yard. You’re looking for an old beater to buy and restore. You find the perfect one, which is quite imperfect, but it is what you are looking for. You buy it, bring it home, and begin the restoration process.
The story I just illustrated is not a true story, but an analogy.
If you have a child, then it is an analogy about your child and your need for a biblical parenting model.
Our children come into this world fundamentally flawed. They are broken down and in need of restoration. The biblical category that describes their condition is total depravity.
Total depravity means that I and everyone else are depraved or corrupt in the totality of our being. There is no part of us that is left untouched by sin. Our minds, our wills, and our bodies are affected by evil. We speak sinful words, do sinful deeds, have impure thoughts. Our very bodies suffer from the ravages of sin. – R. C. Sproul, Human Depravity
I realize that your baby is cute, wonderful, precious, and the joy of your life. There is nothing quite equivalent to watching the birth of a child and then holding him or her for the first time
Ba-ba-ba-ba-bad to the bone
Interestingly enough, within a few days or weeks from their birth a new reality sets in. It soon becomes apparent that our new bundle of joy is as selfish as I am and our new giggly-pooh innately picks up on things that could only be understood as coming from within.
What I am observing is a new human being living out an old tragedy, total depravity. Our child is bad to the bone and needs my help. There is something really, really wrong with our new baby. He needs intentional and Gospel-motivated parenting. Because he came to us broken, we need to understand how to restore this kid to Christ.
Therefore, our parenting becomes a process of re-parenting.
What it means to be parented by Adam
It would be helpful to go back and reflect on what it really means to be born “in Adam,” or born in sin. If we don’t clearly understand where we came from and what happened to us, then we can grossly misunderstand the situation and, thus, really mess up our parenting.
Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” Genesis 3:7-10
Notice five things that Adam did or experienced after he chose to “un-believe” God.
- He experienced shame
- He experienced guilt
- He practiced deceit
- He ran and hid
- He became fearful
Therefore, the “cover-up” was a deceitful response to his new problem.
Understanding that his brokenness was not resolved, he ran from God in an effort to avoid the truth about himself. He thought he could hide from his omnipresent Creator. Sin is always theological madness of the heart that leads to anti-God behaviors. Fortunately, his elusive illusion did not last. God found him and asked him, “What’s up?” Adam spilled the beans by saying that he was afraid. That was his reasoning for running from God.
What I have just described to you are not just Adam’s core problems. They are our core problems too. And do not fool yourself into thinking your children are any different than you and me. They are not. These core sin patterns represent a “basket of problems” that we all are born with. This is our Adamic wiring.
(Of course, the absolute core problem is unbelief. At the bottom of the pile of all of Adam’s problems was the real heart issue of unbelief, the first sin. Once we choose to un-believe, a chain of other sins follow: shame, guilt, deceit, non-transparency, and fear.)
Big Key: No child is able to unpack these theological truths because they are too young to discern or articulate their innate dysfunction, their total depravity. They are born with this basket of core problems, but they do not understand it. This is what makes parenting all the more important. The biblical parent understands God, Adam, and the human condition. Therefore, they also understand their children’s fundamental flaws and parent accordingly.
Ultimately the Christian parent knows that only Christ can completely restore their children. However, they also humbly and gratefully understand that God allows them to be part of that process.
How do you restore or re-parent a child?
If you truly understand what I have written above, then you will be very careful about how you treat your child. If you truly understand that your child has a predisposition to fear, feels a sense of shame, and lives with an internal awkwardness of guilt, then you will be gentle, kind, loving, and patient regarding their restoration process.
Though your child is not a car, I would like for you to think about how you might restore a broken down car. You would not do it roughly, but lovingly, carefully, and patiently. The understanding parent would not be harsh or unkind to their child. And if they were, they would quickly repent and get the help they need so they do not continue to exacerbate their child’s pre-existing total depravity.
Imagine if God came to Adam and was harsh, unkind, mean-spirited, condemning, and manipulating. That kind of response to Adam would not have led Adam to restoration. In actuality, it would have pushed him further into the jungle of his already complicated life. God did not do that at all. Our loving Father “assessed’ the situation and then laid out a plan of redemption. He did not hurt Adam or Eve. His desire was to save them from themselves.
Don’t be confused about this: your children need to be saved from themselves, from their pre-existing condition.
Yes, he told them what the consequences of their sin would be, but He went further than that. He did not leave them in their hopeless state. He mapped out a plan of salvation. He told them about the Gospel (Genesis 3:15). By the time God was finished with those two sinners, they felt His care, hope, and plan to restore them. They experienced the richness of God. He did not take for granted (presume) that they knew these things:
Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? –Romans 2:4
He re-parented Adam and Eve through His kindness, forbearance, and patience. He did not compound their problems with anger, harshness, or ridicule.
Do your children experience your patience, kindness, and forbearance? Do they feel your love and affection? Are they aware of the path forward, the path that will lead them out of their dysfunction? Have you clearly shown them the way? Is your godly example a major part of your parenting model? Are you generally distant and passive regarding your parenting or attentive and active? What does your child generally experience from you: your correction and displeasure or your affection and care?
If I brought my junker home and began to beat it up, you would think I was ignorant. The car would not become progressively better under that kind of ignorant care. It would become progressively worse. This is also what happens when a parent is harsh, unkind, mean-spirited, rude, and generally self-centered toward their child.
1 comments:
An excellent article, by Rick Thomas, that every parent should read. Thanks for sharing!
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