QUESTION OF THE WEEK:
Question: What does God require of us, that we may escape His wrath and curse due to us for sin?
Answer: To escape the wrath and curse of God due to us for sin, God requires of us faith in Jesus Christ, repentance unto life, with the diligent use of all the outward and ordinary means whereby Christ communicate to us the benefits of redemption.
Scripture: Acts 20:21; 16:30, 31; 17:30
HOW THE FIGHT STARTED
(Maybe this happened)
Deb and I generally get along very well applying the principles of communication and reconciliation from the Scriptures. Recently it has been tough and to help you, we thought we ought to share how a few of our conflicts started:
Deb walked into our living room and asked me, "What's on the TV tonight?' I replied, "Dust." And then the fight started....
I was standing in front of the mirror in our bedroom wearing only my skivys and I was not happy with what I saw. So I said to Deb, "I look horrible! I am old, fat and ugly! How about paying me a compliment to make me feel better." Deb replied, "Your eyesight is apparently perfect." That's how that fight got started....
As the time was approaching for our upcoming anniversary, I hinted to Deb that what I really wanted was something that would go from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds. Deb bought me a scale. That's how that fight got started....
I also asked Deb where she wanted to go for our anniversary. Her face melted in sweet appreciation for asking and she replied, "Somewhere I have not been in a long time!" I suggested then "How about the kitchen?' And then another fight started....
Just the other night Deb asked if we could go out to someplace expensive. I took her with me to fill up the car with gas. Then that fight started....
A few months ago Deb and I were back in New York where I grew up and were sitting at a table in a restaurant. I noticed a lady who was getting quite drunk and thought I recognized her as an old high school girlfriend. Deb asked if I knew her. I told her, "Yes, I think she is one of my old girlfriends. I understand that she started drinking right after we split up those many years ago and I can't believe she seems to be still drinking." Deb said, "Wow! Who would think a person would celebrate that long!" And then a fight started....
I took Deb to a nice restaurant last week, thinking about having a good steak. The waiter took my order first and I asked for a strip steak and to be cooked rare in the middle and only slight burnt on the outside. The waiter for some reason said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah," I replied. "She can order for herself." And we are still fighting over that one....
MODESTY: SOMEONE NEEDS TO SAY SOMETHING
This continues the subject of modesty. It is in Parents and Kids of Faith because the principle of modesty needs to be taught to our children and practiced by parents, especially as we are moving to the time of year when it seems to emerge. The trends in fashion are not making this any easier for parents. Though most of the issues fall to the side of the women, dads and young men need to pay attention. Dads need to be faithful fathers to their daughters and protectors of their wife and young men need to learn how to think biblically when they find their gaze moving their heart to lustful thoughts.
Modesty: God, My Heart, and Clothes (part 4) A Word to Fathers
by C.J. Mahaney from his book, Worldliness: Resisting the Seduction of a Fallen World (Crossway).
Dads, I want to urge you to take responsibility for your daughters’ dress. Fathers are absolutely essential to the cultivation of modesty. When a young lady dresses immodestly, it usually means her father has failed to lead, care for and protect her. Without a father’s care and protection, she may be daily exposed to the lustful minds of men.
My three daughters are grown and married now, but from an early age I sought to impress upon them the importance of modesty. Before an article of clothing became a permanent part of their wardrobe my girls had to get my approval. This wasn’t always easy—for them or for me. Modest clothing is hard to find. Sometimes, they’d arrive home after an all day shopping trip only to hear me say: “That’s not gonna, work, my love. I’m so sorry, but exhaustion from shopping doesn’t excuse immodesty. We’re not going to compromise.”
Here’s what my daughter Nicole wrote about how my wife and I led her and her sisters:
"My parents were committed to raising modest daughters. They educated us about how men are stimulated visually. They examined any article of clothing that came into the house, giving it a thumbs up or sending us straight back to the store with the receipt. I’ll admit it was frustrating to spend hours at the mall and have nothing to show for it. There were moments when that frivolous, selfish desire for cool, tight jeans overtook my desire to serve others. That’s when Mom and Dad would remind me of the young men who were trying to glorify God. My clothes could either help or hinder them. When they put it like that, I was quickly saddened by my selfishness."*
We must not simply oversee our daughter’s closets; we must teach them God’s perspective of modest dress, and educate them about the temptations of men. And we must have clear standards, informed by Scripture and not culture. This will make it easier for them to follow our leadership when difficult choices are necessary.
Author Nancy Leigh DeMoss provides a two simple criterion for modesty: Women should avoid “exposing intimate parts of the body” or “emphasizing private or alluring parts of the body.” My wife and daughters (at my request) have compiled more specific suggestions in their Modesty Heart Check (follow the link or email Pastor George). Ultimately, fathers, your job to raise a modest daughter culminates and concludes on her wedding day.
Several years ago, my friend Lance Quinn asked Carolyn and me to teach at a weekend retreat to his congregation, The Bible Church of Little Rock. One of the messages he asked me to share was on this topic of modesty. At the conclusion of the sermon, the church’s worship pastor, Todd Murray, presented an additional appeal to the congregation. He urged all girls to consider modesty even when shopping for formal attire and wedding dresses. His words were laden with care and compassion, yet they carried an appropriate soberness. Here’s a little of what he said:
"Ladies, please don’t forget to apply these principles of modesty to formal events and weddings. In recent years I have become increasingly grieved by the immodest dresses of both brides and bridesmaids at the weddings that I officiate. I have observed a number of young ladies in our fellowship who have dressed modestly all their lives appearing on their wedding day in extremely provocative dresses, exposing more of themselves than on any other day of their lives."
I assume the best about what is going on in the hearts of these young women. I don’t think that they went to the wedding dress shop determined to be provocative. No doubt, they just wanted a dress that would be elegant on this day that they have dreamed of all their lives. When a bride and mother set out on their expedition to find a wedding dress, they are, quite naturally, thinking like . . . women! Unfortunately, there is no one in the shop who is thinking like a man.
I’d like to make a radical proposal, girls. Why not take your father with you to the wedding boutique? If that thought is just too much for you (or your dad!) at least consider taking the dress out on approval and allowing your dad to see it before you make your final purchase.
Todd’s proposal might be radical by cultural standards, but it is the biblical norm. The standard of modesty and self-control shouldn’t change on your daughter’s wedding day. If anything, it should be even more important to honor God on that momentous occasion.
Having three married daughters, I know the challenges involved in finding modest wedding attire. However, with a lot of time and effort, it can be done. As Todd mentioned, the dad’s role is crucial in this process. I helped our daughters by providing guidelines for appropriate bridal wear as they went shopping with their mom and then giving final approval to their choices.
Once again, please be on guard against the temptation to be self-righteous toward those who choose differently. If you think a bride is dressed immodestly, her wedding day isn’t the appropriate occasion to comment on her dress. Simply rejoice with her in the goodness of God displayed in her marriage.
But if you’re a bride-to-be, or the father of a daughter who’s preparing to get married, I hope these thoughts serve you in your effort to plan a ceremony that brings glory to God.
Taken from C.J. Mahaney’s chapter “God, My Heart, and Clothes,” in the book Worldliness: Resisting the Seduction of a Fallen World, © 2008. http://www.crossway.org/.
*Carolyn Mahaney and Nicole Mahaney Whitacre, Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical Womanhood (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2005), 141.
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