I had the privilege of doing a wedding last week and the heart of my instruction to the bride and the groom was the power of the gospel and how it applies to forgiveness that must be a daily pattern in marriage. I have personally experienced and seen it in all marriages that our daily marriage health is tied up in our understanding of confession, repentance and forgiveness continuously.
A great resource on understanding these concepts not only in marriage but in all relatioships is Ken Sande’s book, “Peacemaker.” There are a variety of resources that the Peacemaker Ministry provides that are centered upon the Scriptures and the gospel.
One area that I fight myself with and see all too often in other marriage is the weakness of apology and how often it says nothing. Ken Sande writes:
As God opens your eyes to see how you have sinned against others, he simultaneously offers you a way to find freedom from your past wrongs. It is called confession. Many people have never experienced this freedom because they have never learned how to confess their wrongs honestly and unconditionally. Instead, they use words like these: “I’m sorry if I hurt you.” “Let’s just forget the past.” “I suppose I could have done a better job.” “I guess it’s not all your fault.” These token statements rarely trigger genuine forgiveness and reconciliation. If you really want to make peace, ask God to help you breathe grace by humbly and thoroughly admitting your wrongs. One way to do this is to use the Seven A’s.
2. Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs)
3. Admit specifically (Both attitudes and actions)
4. Acknowledge the hurt (Express sorrow for hurting someone)
5. Accept the consequences (Such as making restitution)
6. Alter your behavior (Change your attitudes and actions)
7. Ask for forgiveness
See Matthew 7:3-5; 1 John 1:8-9; Proverbs 28:13. 1. Address everyone involved (All those whom you affected)
A great resource on understanding these concepts not only in marriage but in all relatioships is Ken Sande’s book, “Peacemaker.” There are a variety of resources that the Peacemaker Ministry provides that are centered upon the Scriptures and the gospel.
One area that I fight myself with and see all too often in other marriage is the weakness of apology and how often it says nothing. Ken Sande writes:
As God opens your eyes to see how you have sinned against others, he simultaneously offers you a way to find freedom from your past wrongs. It is called confession. Many people have never experienced this freedom because they have never learned how to confess their wrongs honestly and unconditionally. Instead, they use words like these: “I’m sorry if I hurt you.” “Let’s just forget the past.” “I suppose I could have done a better job.” “I guess it’s not all your fault.” These token statements rarely trigger genuine forgiveness and reconciliation. If you really want to make peace, ask God to help you breathe grace by humbly and thoroughly admitting your wrongs. One way to do this is to use the Seven A’s.
2. Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs)
3. Admit specifically (Both attitudes and actions)
4. Acknowledge the hurt (Express sorrow for hurting someone)
5. Accept the consequences (Such as making restitution)
6. Alter your behavior (Change your attitudes and actions)
7. Ask for forgiveness
See Matthew 7:3-5; 1 John 1:8-9; Proverbs 28:13. 1. Address everyone involved (All those whom you affected)
This cartoon says it all:
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